The moment you were so looking forward to the plans you had and your body rejects these plans as even an option.
Seriously? I am going to start to get sick now?!?
- what I get for complaining about little things in life -
Funny how the littlest things in life can make us the happiest.
I can’t stop to wonder what he really thinks of me. Sure, things are shown through other means than words, but there is that deep seeded need within me that needs to hear it. The confirmation that he actually likes me and that I’m not just some piece of ass or the convenience of his time. The part of me that wants to hear him say “I like you dumbass” or anything other than what the negative part of me keeps saying; “you mean nothing to him,” “you are just another conquest,” “you’ll never be happy.” Everything that voice whispers - screams - is the only thing I can think about when he’s not around. I feel like I don’t see him enough and I feel like a very stereotypical girl ranting on a blog, but I can’t talk to people about this. I can’t have him know how unsure I am of how he feels. I know where my feelings are without hesitation, but I can’t say I know his, because all I can do is assume what he feels through his actions. He is the only guy I’ve been with that actually treats me like a person and not a piece of property, but a part of me believes it is still an act. A part of me believes, when May rolls around he will tell me how he really feels, that he’ll say I’m pathetic for ever thinking he actually liked me. I don’t think that is true, but that negative part of me I desperately try to push away, can’t help but put its two-sense in. It knows how I’ve always been treated in the past and I think it just doesn’t want to see me get hurt. I don’t want to get hurt. I’m going to though and it’s all because I’m falling for him.
Wish I could stop feeling for someone I know is going to leave.